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12-06-2005, 09:09 PM
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| OT: jokes since I'm in a funny mood right now - who's got some good jokes? here's one that a student w/ ADHD told my boyfriend, who is his science teacher...so it's PC, because the kid told it, which makes it even more funny, anyway. Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Wanna go ride bikes? My other one that is just plain silly, but good for the holidays: 2 snowmen are hanging around in the front lawn. The first snowman says to the other snowman, "Do you smell carrots?"  |
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12-07-2005, 08:24 AM
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| Quote:
This one is dumb but there are lots of Duck fans here so... A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar doesn't have any quackers. The next day, the same duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender again explains that the bar doesn't serve quackers. Sure enough, the very next day, the duck again walks into the bar and asks for some quackers. The bartender screams at the duck, "If you come in here one more time, I'm going to nail your beak into the wall with a hammer and some nails!, " A few days pass, and then the duck walks into the bar again.The bartender notices the duck and says, "I'm warning you!" The duck replies, "Do you have a hammer?" The bartender replies, "No!" The duck asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender replies, "No!" The duck grins and asks, "Do you have any quackers? -------------------- A down on his luck boxer was desperate for money when he ran into Count Dracula in a dark alley. "Dracula," the boxer said, "I'll do anything for a buck." Dracula replied, "Well, I'm quite horny. Give me a blow job and I'll pay you $50." So the boxer went down for the count. -------------------- A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" The kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, "$101,237.64." The boss says, "$101,237.64?! What the hell did you sell?!" The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?" Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"
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12-07-2005, 01:57 PM
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| LOL. those are good. I've got one more in memory that' not too shabby - it's a better tell in real life. It's a lawyer joke - no offense lawyers! So a priest, a doctor and a lawyer go for a boat ride in the ocean. It begins to rain and get really windy. The boat's really floppin' all over the place and the oars snap loose. The lawyer says, "oh great! now what?! One of us is going to have to get out of the boat and paddle the boat back to shore." The doctor says, "well it can't be me, because I have to be here to take care of anyone who might get injured." The priest says, "well it can't be me either, because I have to pray for anyone who might need their last rights read" The lawyer says, "Fine! I'll do it." So he jumps out of the boat, swims to the bow of the boat and begins to tug the little boat back to shore. When all of sudden two mammoth great white sharks come up right beside him - on either side of his body and the lawyer puts his arms around both and they quickly take he and the boat back to shore. The priest looks at the doctor in utter amazement, and says, "What the HELL was that?" The doctors replies, "professional courtesy". I know, it's kind of Bob Hope'ish type of humor. But it still makes me laugh. |
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12-08-2005, 07:54 PM
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| that's awesome. LOL! |
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